Sunday, November 26, 2017
The Duke .....
On November 25th, Wesley Duke Earley was born to Stephen and Brigitt Earley, of Ridgewood, NJ!
The significance of this event is that the child is the first of a new generation.
This little one will forever be the eldest grandchild of Gwenn and Dave Hauck. Right now he is 12 hours old, still curled in the tightest fetal position with knees drawn under his chin.
His hair is damp, his eyes are foggy, his tiny fingers are wrinkled but his body is stronger than a prize-fighter because he survived 15 hours busting out of the womb. Now his lifeline is his parents. He's breathing air instead of amniotic fluid and he needs food and warmth.
The pack of humans who will raise him flock to the hospital. Grandparents, great-grandparents, great aunts, aunts, uncles, cousins and second-cousins want to see the first baby born to the family in 16 years! None of us remember what a miracle newborn babies are!
Mom's look at daughters differently. Fathers make jokes about the baby's prowess. Everyone bonds. The strengths and frailties and seasons of life are never more affirmed than when a baby is born.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Terrain Training
I often use exercise as a metaphor for life because in a short span of time you experience a microcosm of many of the same struggles, triumphs, frustrations and euphoria, and at the end, you will recognize the results of your work.
I started running when I was 16. Now at the age of 52, I am very comfortable with running. Sometimes I approach training with dread, but now I know in the back of my mind with certainty, that I will feel better when I am done. After all of these years of using my muscles and strengthening myself, I feel sluggish if I go too long without exercising.
As I dress for training I still experience anxiety, because I always run rigorously. (I'd rather stay sitting on the couch). I remind myself that as soon as I walk out of the door everything will change. The first steps are always easy and rhythmical. Usually when I hit the first hill, my body locks up. It is hard to breath, and my legs don't move. I have learned to to relax here. This phase is short-lived and I will be moving effortlessly again. Every time I do get fatigued I try to think of ways to inspire myself to work through that moment... I make a short-term goal like "run to the next intersection, or around the next corner" and by the time I am there I usually feel better already.
I also know my limitations. I am not the greatest runner, and I do not want to spend my whole day exercising. But I do place regular demands on myself which I know are good for me mentally and physically.
There will always be uphill terrains in life. The key is to welcome them as positive events that challenge your spirit and your ability, teach you perseverance, and make you stronger. Remember that on the other side of every hill is a view from the top and an easy run down.
QUOTES
Dr. Peter Snell - Dir. Human Prfm. Laboratory, UTSwtrn. Med.Ctr.,Dallas,TX., and Triple Gold-Medal Olympian
"When it's pouring rain, and you're bowling along through the wet,there's satisfaction in just knowing you're out there and the others aren't."
Henry David Thoreau - Philosopher
"Me thinks that the moment my legs begin to move, my thoughts begin to flow."
Joe Catalano - Coach
"Many people shy away from hills. They make it easy on themselves, but that limits their improvement. The more you repeat something, the stronger you get."
I started running when I was 16. Now at the age of 52, I am very comfortable with running. Sometimes I approach training with dread, but now I know in the back of my mind with certainty, that I will feel better when I am done. After all of these years of using my muscles and strengthening myself, I feel sluggish if I go too long without exercising.
As I dress for training I still experience anxiety, because I always run rigorously. (I'd rather stay sitting on the couch). I remind myself that as soon as I walk out of the door everything will change. The first steps are always easy and rhythmical. Usually when I hit the first hill, my body locks up. It is hard to breath, and my legs don't move. I have learned to to relax here. This phase is short-lived and I will be moving effortlessly again. Every time I do get fatigued I try to think of ways to inspire myself to work through that moment... I make a short-term goal like "run to the next intersection, or around the next corner" and by the time I am there I usually feel better already.
I also know my limitations. I am not the greatest runner, and I do not want to spend my whole day exercising. But I do place regular demands on myself which I know are good for me mentally and physically.
There will always be uphill terrains in life. The key is to welcome them as positive events that challenge your spirit and your ability, teach you perseverance, and make you stronger. Remember that on the other side of every hill is a view from the top and an easy run down.
QUOTES
Dr. Peter Snell - Dir. Human Prfm. Laboratory, UTSwtrn. Med.Ctr.,Dallas,TX., and Triple Gold-Medal Olympian
"When it's pouring rain, and you're bowling along through the wet,there's satisfaction in just knowing you're out there and the others aren't."
Henry David Thoreau - Philosopher
"Me thinks that the moment my legs begin to move, my thoughts begin to flow."
Joe Catalano - Coach
"Many people shy away from hills. They make it easy on themselves, but that limits their improvement. The more you repeat something, the stronger you get."
Friday, March 30, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
The Levity Effect
Authors Adrian Gostick and Scott Christopher have written a book called The Levity Effect: Why it Pays to Lighten Up, where they elaborate on how "levity" is an effective tool for helping people in the work place. It turns out an atmosphere of light-heartedness helps people pay attention better because it eases tensions and enhances feelings of connection.
"Levity" is having a sense of lightness. To quote Gretchen Rubin, the best-selling author of "The Happiness Project" This means "less about being funny, and more about being able to have fun and see the humorous side of everyday situations - especially difficult situations."
Some people instinctively have the ability to include levity in their daily lives. Those that don't, benefit from the company of those that can bring it!
"Levity" is having a sense of lightness. To quote Gretchen Rubin, the best-selling author of "The Happiness Project" This means "less about being funny, and more about being able to have fun and see the humorous side of everyday situations - especially difficult situations."
Some people instinctively have the ability to include levity in their daily lives. Those that don't, benefit from the company of those that can bring it!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Dalai Lama on being "Wise Selfish"
So, it is OK. to be selfish! It is good to be wise-selfish.
Selfish behavior can bring about forward motion and positive behavior. It is motivating. It can advance our knowlege, experience, physical prowess, or even our status. These efforts require us to focus on ourselves alone. They are only wrong when they bring others down.
So remember to be selfish every day!
Dalai Lama said, "it is important that when pursuing your own self-interest we should not be 'foolish-selfish.' Being foolish-selfish means pursuing our own interests in a narrow short-sighted way. Being wise-selfish means taking a broad view and recognizing that our own interests are ultimately linked to the welfare of everyone. Being wise-selfish means being compassionate."
Selfish behavior can bring about forward motion and positive behavior. It is motivating. It can advance our knowlege, experience, physical prowess, or even our status. These efforts require us to focus on ourselves alone. They are only wrong when they bring others down.
So remember to be selfish every day!
Dalai Lama said, "it is important that when pursuing your own self-interest we should not be 'foolish-selfish.' Being foolish-selfish means pursuing our own interests in a narrow short-sighted way. Being wise-selfish means taking a broad view and recognizing that our own interests are ultimately linked to the welfare of everyone. Being wise-selfish means being compassionate."
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Every Child Should Have A Dog and Parents Who Let Him Have One
This title says it all, though some may need further clarification. It's my belief that parents set necessary guidelines and structure for children's development, but through the ups and downs of life, a dog can be a special kind of reliable and supportive sibling!
A dog can be ignored all day, and still lick your face and wag its tail, just because you walked through the door. A dog will stare straight in your eyes as if in agreement with everything you are thinking, no matter what you're thinking. And it's soft, and cuddly.
Under the ideal situation, bringing a dog into the house gives kids the opportunity to learn responsibilities and to learn what its like to care for someone that's dependent on them. People with dogs learn to look for signs: of hunger, or thirst, of the need to be let out, of illness - there are no other ways to know them. Learning to observe the needs of others can be a very powerful lesson for young children.
Having a dog for a friend growing up, is like having a stress ball to squeeze as an adult. It's an outlet for fun and entertainment, a furry blanket to snuggle with when you want, a fixed set of understanding eyes when no one else seems to understand, and, a conduit for nurturing. But more than that, it is that special gift your parents gave you even though it brought inconvenience and chaos into the house! Another valuable life lesson!
A dog can be ignored all day, and still lick your face and wag its tail, just because you walked through the door. A dog will stare straight in your eyes as if in agreement with everything you are thinking, no matter what you're thinking. And it's soft, and cuddly.
Under the ideal situation, bringing a dog into the house gives kids the opportunity to learn responsibilities and to learn what its like to care for someone that's dependent on them. People with dogs learn to look for signs: of hunger, or thirst, of the need to be let out, of illness - there are no other ways to know them. Learning to observe the needs of others can be a very powerful lesson for young children.
Having a dog for a friend growing up, is like having a stress ball to squeeze as an adult. It's an outlet for fun and entertainment, a furry blanket to snuggle with when you want, a fixed set of understanding eyes when no one else seems to understand, and, a conduit for nurturing. But more than that, it is that special gift your parents gave you even though it brought inconvenience and chaos into the house! Another valuable life lesson!
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Utilize Your Endorphins
The expression "bodies in motion stay in motion" is so true!
I have spent a few days where I knew I was busy, but not efficient. Those seemed to be days when I was tying up lots of lose ends. At the end of the day I definitely accomplished good work, but not at my maximum potential.
It seems like the days that I was the clearest and worked the best were after I exercised. Those days I probably took on bigger tasks, and finished them!
That excitement I felt, and the vision I had, may have been the result of the increased hormones which were produced during strenuous exercise: endorphines, serotonin, dopamine, phenylethylamine, as well as others!
During exercise serotonin is released into the brain where it activates receptors that sense heightened emotions. After only 20 minutes of exercise my mind feels more "awake". Phenylethylamine hormones also cause heightened brain activity and elevated moods. Endorphines are pain camoflaugers. Dopamine is a neuro-transmitter that controls the brain's reward and pleasure centers and help regulate emotional responses, enabling us to see rewards, and take actions to move toward them.
No wonder some rigorous exercise helps me set my focus for a really productive day moving in the right direction! Doesn't hurt that I burned some calories while I was at it!
Tip: Keep a note-pad by your exercise bike, or make sure you write your clear-headed ideas down right after you come back from your walk or run, because they might be your best ideas!
I have spent a few days where I knew I was busy, but not efficient. Those seemed to be days when I was tying up lots of lose ends. At the end of the day I definitely accomplished good work, but not at my maximum potential.
It seems like the days that I was the clearest and worked the best were after I exercised. Those days I probably took on bigger tasks, and finished them!
That excitement I felt, and the vision I had, may have been the result of the increased hormones which were produced during strenuous exercise: endorphines, serotonin, dopamine, phenylethylamine, as well as others!
During exercise serotonin is released into the brain where it activates receptors that sense heightened emotions. After only 20 minutes of exercise my mind feels more "awake". Phenylethylamine hormones also cause heightened brain activity and elevated moods. Endorphines are pain camoflaugers. Dopamine is a neuro-transmitter that controls the brain's reward and pleasure centers and help regulate emotional responses, enabling us to see rewards, and take actions to move toward them.
No wonder some rigorous exercise helps me set my focus for a really productive day moving in the right direction! Doesn't hurt that I burned some calories while I was at it!
Friday, January 13, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
If It was Easy Everyone Would Do It
There is something rewarding in knowing that you are made of tough stuff. Facing obstacles, tackling hard things, staying focused on a project until it is finished, will always make you feel good and set you apart because you did it. And while your self esteem rises you might notice what new skills you acquired!
All these challenges don't have to be a marathons, but I think everyone should wake up each day setting the bar higher than is comfortable. Make sure you take on at least one challenging experience every day. Exercise is great! Reading the news, especially stuff you don't find entertaining. Work hard at being kind and thinking positive things...
On a broader level you could set long-term goals for each year and try to stick to them!
Every goal can't be accomplished, but if the attitude is genuine even that is a big start.
All these challenges don't have to be a marathons, but I think everyone should wake up each day setting the bar higher than is comfortable. Make sure you take on at least one challenging experience every day. Exercise is great! Reading the news, especially stuff you don't find entertaining. Work hard at being kind and thinking positive things...
On a broader level you could set long-term goals for each year and try to stick to them!
Every goal can't be accomplished, but if the attitude is genuine even that is a big start.
Positivity
Your thoughts become reality so think positive. Action equals reaction, and the way you act causes the way everything around you will follow, so whether you know it or not, you are either inviting success and encouragement, or you are putting roadblocks in place.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Survival of the Stupidest
Today, January 8, is the one year anniversary of the shooting rampage which killed 6 people, injured 12, and left a U.S. Congresswoman struggling for her life.
Since that time, the effort to control guns in this country has, if anything, lost ground. Since that heartbreaking moment there has been no progress toward stricter gun laws in America; on the contrary, they've relaxed.
Following the shooting in which an untreated pschizophrenic man with no understandable agenda, killed a 9-yr.old girl, an Arizona Chief Judge, two of Gifford's aides, and three retired workers, and devastated the Congresswoman's life, gun sales in Arizona immediately increased 60%. People expecting stricter legislation began stockpiling their guns. But, worse, within a few months Arizona actually passed legislation loosening gun laws by passing legislation allowing guns on college campuses!?.. And the ability to obtain guns remains the same today as it was before.
In the same month as the Tuscon shooting, (Just in the month of January, 2011 alone!), there were 6 more gun rampages in the United States, which killed 10 innocent people and maimed 14! And on December 8, 2011 there was another terrifying shooting rampage at Virginia Tech University which resulted in the death of two (armed) police officers. I believe that without the force of the NRA, one of the most well-funded and powerful political forces in America, things would be different.
"Guns don't kill people, people kill people," but nothing can kill as many people in so little time. No other weapon can create such an uneven playing field. I do not believe that the way to a more level field is for more Americans to run around with weapons, rather, it is by limiting the number of weapons. A Gallup Poll in 2011 found that 1 in 5 Americans agreed that gun-control laws would prevent rogue shootings. Yet the NRA and conservative groups still argue that gun rights are the most primary symbol of individual rights and feel that gun legislation is federal intervention. I hope they do not benefit from any form of federal assistance, for I find this an unfortunately obviously necessary form of government involvement in today's private life no different than having red lights at traffic intersections!
Since that time, the effort to control guns in this country has, if anything, lost ground. Since that heartbreaking moment there has been no progress toward stricter gun laws in America; on the contrary, they've relaxed.
Following the shooting in which an untreated pschizophrenic man with no understandable agenda, killed a 9-yr.old girl, an Arizona Chief Judge, two of Gifford's aides, and three retired workers, and devastated the Congresswoman's life, gun sales in Arizona immediately increased 60%. People expecting stricter legislation began stockpiling their guns. But, worse, within a few months Arizona actually passed legislation loosening gun laws by passing legislation allowing guns on college campuses!?.. And the ability to obtain guns remains the same today as it was before.
In the same month as the Tuscon shooting, (Just in the month of January, 2011 alone!), there were 6 more gun rampages in the United States, which killed 10 innocent people and maimed 14! And on December 8, 2011 there was another terrifying shooting rampage at Virginia Tech University which resulted in the death of two (armed) police officers. I believe that without the force of the NRA, one of the most well-funded and powerful political forces in America, things would be different.
"Guns don't kill people, people kill people," but nothing can kill as many people in so little time. No other weapon can create such an uneven playing field. I do not believe that the way to a more level field is for more Americans to run around with weapons, rather, it is by limiting the number of weapons. A Gallup Poll in 2011 found that 1 in 5 Americans agreed that gun-control laws would prevent rogue shootings. Yet the NRA and conservative groups still argue that gun rights are the most primary symbol of individual rights and feel that gun legislation is federal intervention. I hope they do not benefit from any form of federal assistance, for I find this an unfortunately obviously necessary form of government involvement in today's private life no different than having red lights at traffic intersections!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Look in the Mirror
Pretend you have a mirror you can look at once in awhile to see how others see you. I have come to the realization that a lot of people would change the way they acted if they could see themselves in the mirror....
While eating dinner in a diner the other night I had a view of the entire room. In that room was a wide variety of people. No one thinks they are being noticed as they relax over dinner with their friends or family. But I noticed the looks and habits of all the people sitting around me. I noticed that the couple at the table next-door was annoyed by the loud group of teenagers next to them. The teenagers were perky, cute, athletes obviously having a team dinner together all in neatly matching warm-up suits. The couple across from us was a father and daughter. The father was slouching and had on a dirty sweatshirt from work, and the daughter was disheveled and slouching. The father's cell phone rang, so he answered it during dinner and had a conversation, while the daughter bent down over her soup and slurped it absentmindedly. Across the other way the hostess lead a young boy and a distinguished lady in wheel-chair through to a table. The young boy then helped the older lady into her chair. The older lady and her presumed grandson had a very nice dinner together engaged in conversation the whole time. I saw families and couples of various shapes and forms and didn't really remember things about them....
The funny thing was, that, as my husband and I were leaving the diner, the old woman in the wheelchair stopped me and said, "What kind of sandwich was that you were eating? It looked so good." I told her and we spoke for a minute before I left. She was very nice. But afterwards I realized that as much as I notice other people - they are noticing me! And so it is in the world. It is safe to assume that everywhere you go, people are observing the presentation you make by your everyday habits. So, check yourself in the mirror every once in awhile to see what others see!
While eating dinner in a diner the other night I had a view of the entire room. In that room was a wide variety of people. No one thinks they are being noticed as they relax over dinner with their friends or family. But I noticed the looks and habits of all the people sitting around me. I noticed that the couple at the table next-door was annoyed by the loud group of teenagers next to them. The teenagers were perky, cute, athletes obviously having a team dinner together all in neatly matching warm-up suits. The couple across from us was a father and daughter. The father was slouching and had on a dirty sweatshirt from work, and the daughter was disheveled and slouching. The father's cell phone rang, so he answered it during dinner and had a conversation, while the daughter bent down over her soup and slurped it absentmindedly. Across the other way the hostess lead a young boy and a distinguished lady in wheel-chair through to a table. The young boy then helped the older lady into her chair. The older lady and her presumed grandson had a very nice dinner together engaged in conversation the whole time. I saw families and couples of various shapes and forms and didn't really remember things about them....
The funny thing was, that, as my husband and I were leaving the diner, the old woman in the wheelchair stopped me and said, "What kind of sandwich was that you were eating? It looked so good." I told her and we spoke for a minute before I left. She was very nice. But afterwards I realized that as much as I notice other people - they are noticing me! And so it is in the world. It is safe to assume that everywhere you go, people are observing the presentation you make by your everyday habits. So, check yourself in the mirror every once in awhile to see what others see!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Smiles
I found this on a blog called Ikini's Blog, written in 2007. I thought it was so pretty that I am re-posting it. I'm not sure they are words to actually live by, but, they are definitely words to consider!
Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile,
because it takes only a smile to
make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile,
because it takes only a smile to
make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Role Models:
Try to think of the perfect role model, either for your own life or for your kids. Who would that be?... Would you choose a celebrity? (Doubtful - even if they are great singers or athletes, their lives are frought with drama) Would you choose a great leader? (Doubtful because we have come to realize that great leaders have burdensome egos.) Would you choose some fantastic intellectual? Maybe... A super-successful businessperson? A pioneer in their field?...
Or would you choose a regular person who lives a regular life and never fails to disappoint you? A person who never tries to be the star and never asked for any recognition because they do what they do just because they like it. They are just a reliable constant.
I think that is my ultimate choice for a good role model.
I'm glad that all the big shining stars exist, but I would not want to be married to one, or to be their child.... To me their contributions are beautiful sacrifices!
Or would you choose a regular person who lives a regular life and never fails to disappoint you? A person who never tries to be the star and never asked for any recognition because they do what they do just because they like it. They are just a reliable constant.
I think that is my ultimate choice for a good role model.
I'm glad that all the big shining stars exist, but I would not want to be married to one, or to be their child.... To me their contributions are beautiful sacrifices!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Feeling Powerless
This is the feeling to avoid - the feeling that creates the most fear, anger, and insecurity in people. Even children and animals react to feelings of being lost.... All adults need to feel useful and have a sense of direction in their life. They need to know how their lives make a difference. If they don't know this, it will cause some damage.
I've known people who over-compensated for lack of control by being obsessively-compulsively organized, others who became neurotic, some who became controlling or angry, or some who gave up and went through life without accomplishing anything.
Teens learning to be adults, adults in difficult stages of life (job changes, kids moving on, divorces, growing old, sickness) These stages can leave one suddenly powerless. People need to be reminded how they are important, or fear, anger or paralysis can hurt even more.
I've known people who over-compensated for lack of control by being obsessively-compulsively organized, others who became neurotic, some who became controlling or angry, or some who gave up and went through life without accomplishing anything.
Teens learning to be adults, adults in difficult stages of life (job changes, kids moving on, divorces, growing old, sickness) These stages can leave one suddenly powerless. People need to be reminded how they are important, or fear, anger or paralysis can hurt even more.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Strength through Adversity?....
It is always fun to hear uplifting stories of rising fortunes. Everyone studies hard; works hard; takes chances; risks some capital; watches dreams grow, and sometimes fizzle.... All trying, in their way, to be "successful." But how do people who had "everything", lose it, or end up as unmotivated and weak as people who never achieved anything. These are the perplexing stories. What factors in glittering lives ended up stifling their success?
What makes you happy? I think it might be wanting things, having desire to advance, and having people around you who truly support you. If you've had luck and success, the trick after achieving your goals is to maintain the same work ethic it took to get where you are, and to stay humble. Accept new challenges so you'll never be lazy like so many successful people. Think of all the "successful" people you see who feel they have the right to boss people around or behave poorly. Maybe they feel empowered by their success, or, unworthy of sycophantic attention. These people often make poor parents because they are so accustomed to self-indulgences that they cannot take the time or make the sacrifices necessary to be good role models. Sometimes these people have just worked so hard for so long that they do not remember how to be in balance and be "there" for a child..... These people can have bad marriages because they forget the simple joys of life. (Tiger Woods)
Inner-strength and inner-integrity (which encompass confidence, tenacity, EQ, and humility - earlier posts!) not only get you to your goal, but keep you stable afterwards.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
"Complicated" People
We all know people in our families who are "complicated" - people who have highs and lows, or require more maintenance than everyone else. Sometimes these people bring joy and elation and sometimes they bring concern and fear. The problem is that this type of personality wreaks havoc on the world by their inability to tone down their strong reactions to things.
The definition of "complicated" varies from case to case. My favorite person in the Whole World was my grandfather (who was probably manic-depressive). My experience with him was always positive. He was always exciting. Nothing was ever routine around him and I loved that. His world was more imaginative than the regular world, but I never saw his mean side. Many years later I learned that he was a cruel husband and over-bearing father, and that his biting criticism left generations of insecurity and rivalry. My Mother-in-law was mentally and physically abused by her father and her subsequent instability and poor life-decisions caused generations of difficulties - some of her children faired better than others. My mother's alcoholic parents only had one child and they delegated childrearing responsibilities to nannies, which resulted in a difficult life for my Mom.
All of these people were "complicated" and left confusion in their wake. But someone, in turn, had done something to them.
I bet that everyone can tell a variation of these stories because everyone's life has been affected by "complicated" people's lives. Life does not protect any of us from the possibility that mental-illness or alcoholism or some reaction to hardship will strike. It is virtually impossible to avoid. I have not met one person who cannot tell you about a sad and shocking reality that really exists where paint tries to cover some crack somewhere in their family tree, their neighborhood, their work-place...
We will all be affected by parents, spouses, bosses, cops, coaches, or friends who are still trying to smooth jangled nerves. How do some of us thrive and some crumble when exposed to the same unpredictable and shifting foundations? Having the innate qualities, or developing the skills needed to deal with these fragile and "complicated" people is an important tool for getting through life!
The definition of "complicated" varies from case to case. My favorite person in the Whole World was my grandfather (who was probably manic-depressive). My experience with him was always positive. He was always exciting. Nothing was ever routine around him and I loved that. His world was more imaginative than the regular world, but I never saw his mean side. Many years later I learned that he was a cruel husband and over-bearing father, and that his biting criticism left generations of insecurity and rivalry. My Mother-in-law was mentally and physically abused by her father and her subsequent instability and poor life-decisions caused generations of difficulties - some of her children faired better than others. My mother's alcoholic parents only had one child and they delegated childrearing responsibilities to nannies, which resulted in a difficult life for my Mom.
All of these people were "complicated" and left confusion in their wake. But someone, in turn, had done something to them.
I bet that everyone can tell a variation of these stories because everyone's life has been affected by "complicated" people's lives. Life does not protect any of us from the possibility that mental-illness or alcoholism or some reaction to hardship will strike. It is virtually impossible to avoid. I have not met one person who cannot tell you about a sad and shocking reality that really exists where paint tries to cover some crack somewhere in their family tree, their neighborhood, their work-place...
We will all be affected by parents, spouses, bosses, cops, coaches, or friends who are still trying to smooth jangled nerves. How do some of us thrive and some crumble when exposed to the same unpredictable and shifting foundations? Having the innate qualities, or developing the skills needed to deal with these fragile and "complicated" people is an important tool for getting through life!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Serene
Some people are naturally even-tempered. They have an internal ballast. When the seas of life get rough they go straight ahead. There's no tension, they stay even-keeled, sailing bright and steady on that tranquil sea.
Why do some people have that calmness? Stormy situations can be threatening, frightening and uncertain. Most people react poorly when upset, or challenged, but some people keep their composure. Some people I know instinctively defer their own desires long enough to process rational thought, and don't get caught up in endless cycles of negativity. Calm, peaceful, tranquil, and always fair - they are peace-makers who help others smooth out bumps in the road. They do not look for "who is right" and "who is wrong," they're just there for others when times are hard. They will not tell you "how" to fix something, or "who" to call. They are the definition of serene. Their friends know that they can tell them anything, and they will never be judged.
I have three friends like that! They are some of the greatest gifts in my life.
Why do some people have that calmness? Stormy situations can be threatening, frightening and uncertain. Most people react poorly when upset, or challenged, but some people keep their composure. Some people I know instinctively defer their own desires long enough to process rational thought, and don't get caught up in endless cycles of negativity. Calm, peaceful, tranquil, and always fair - they are peace-makers who help others smooth out bumps in the road. They do not look for "who is right" and "who is wrong," they're just there for others when times are hard. They will not tell you "how" to fix something, or "who" to call. They are the definition of serene. Their friends know that they can tell them anything, and they will never be judged.
I have three friends like that! They are some of the greatest gifts in my life.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
A little savant in every one of us....
It has been said that there is a little savant in every one of us. This struck me as a particularly encouraging statement. It hit a chord because I have always felt a little special - a little odd. I am creative, optimistic, energetic, even a little manic.... definitely not suited to quiet tasks. My accomplishments come in big bursts. I have never stayed with one thing long enough to be exceptionally good at any one thing. I am scattered all over the map. I am proficient at so many things, but master of no one thing. At least I am always happy and pleasant.
So I listened intently when a Science Journalist named Joshua Foer told about how he went from a man with "average" abilities to winning the U.S. Memory Championship! He spent one year trying to train his memory, and also trying to understand its inner-workings, its natural deficiencies, and its hidden potential. He said he ended up learning some secrets to memorization, and also learning the best way to become highly intelligent. For him it all came down to practicing using memory and using different visualization tricks to imprint memories in his mind. Still, this required practice, and practice required focus and repetition of minutia....this seemed unencouraging to me. And when I sat down and tried to work on the mnemonics puzzles that were required I literally wanted to jump out of my seat.
Another theory proposed by Darold Treffert theorizes that everyone has some savant talents "localized in lower regions under the cerebral cortex, but they are repressed by the "higher" processes." He calls this the "small Rainman" that we all have in our brain. Some people with dementia develop savant-like characteristics. The explosion of creativity in these patients is accompanied by a loss of language and social skills, but causes improvements in mathematics and calendar calculation processes! Obviously that is not the kind of solution I am seeking.
As I read further into Treffert's work I finally found the savant in ME! Treffert said "savants have privileged access to lower-level, less-processed information, before it is packaged into holistic concepts and meaningful labels. Due to a failure in top-down ihibition, they can tap into information that exists in all of our brains, but that is normally beyond conscious awareness... Savant skills can emerge without training, and they're not qualitatively improved by practice. In fact, savants generally don't have insight into how they perform their skill." THIS must be me!... I function the best on impulse with a highly creative spark!
In life it is important to truly understand one's strengths and weaknesses and improve those weaknesses. I will keep reading about memory and how the mind works!
So I listened intently when a Science Journalist named Joshua Foer told about how he went from a man with "average" abilities to winning the U.S. Memory Championship! He spent one year trying to train his memory, and also trying to understand its inner-workings, its natural deficiencies, and its hidden potential. He said he ended up learning some secrets to memorization, and also learning the best way to become highly intelligent. For him it all came down to practicing using memory and using different visualization tricks to imprint memories in his mind. Still, this required practice, and practice required focus and repetition of minutia....this seemed unencouraging to me. And when I sat down and tried to work on the mnemonics puzzles that were required I literally wanted to jump out of my seat.
Another theory proposed by Darold Treffert theorizes that everyone has some savant talents "localized in lower regions under the cerebral cortex, but they are repressed by the "higher" processes." He calls this the "small Rainman" that we all have in our brain. Some people with dementia develop savant-like characteristics. The explosion of creativity in these patients is accompanied by a loss of language and social skills, but causes improvements in mathematics and calendar calculation processes! Obviously that is not the kind of solution I am seeking.
As I read further into Treffert's work I finally found the savant in ME! Treffert said "savants have privileged access to lower-level, less-processed information, before it is packaged into holistic concepts and meaningful labels. Due to a failure in top-down ihibition, they can tap into information that exists in all of our brains, but that is normally beyond conscious awareness... Savant skills can emerge without training, and they're not qualitatively improved by practice. In fact, savants generally don't have insight into how they perform their skill." THIS must be me!... I function the best on impulse with a highly creative spark!
In life it is important to truly understand one's strengths and weaknesses and improve those weaknesses. I will keep reading about memory and how the mind works!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Happiness....
Life is too amazing to waste on bad experiences. I'm not talking about dedicating long, hard days toward a worthy goal - that is not a waste. But spending days, followed by months, and even years just moving ahead without purpose, is a waste! And staying involved with people and activities that are negative or stagnating, wastes whole blocks of life! Always remember to retain your unique voice and feel free to express it.
Knowing "yourself" is about living authentically. As a child you may have been encouraged to conform or face the consequences! Most people conform... and lose themselves in the process. Living authentically is being able to express honest thoughts, feelings, and opinions without condemning or judging others, and it's difficult. It's hard to be your own advocate.
Truly finding your own voice is hard because it is hard to let go of expectations from your parents, family, supervisors, professors, etc of your formative years. For good reasons, people are encouraged to color between the lines and fit in but they're not always encouraged to listen to their inner voices. This is a journey full of failures and successes that is never "done" because we are always growing and changing - and so are the people around us.
Questions to Ponder When You're Increasing Your Self-Awareness:
What makes your heart leap or your soul resonate?
When do you feel most happy and relaxed?
Living Authentically Involves Negative Feelings
When - and with whom - do you feel depressed, sad, or drained? Finding your identity involves avoiding those situations.
When do you feel physically ill or unhealthy? Authentic living means figuring that out, and avoiding those situations.
What meetings, visits, or events do you consistently find yourself dragging yourself to? Increasing your self-awareness is about limiting or eliminating those things.
No life can be fulfilling without exposure to toil and stress. While life's goal is happiness and reward, it would never feel earned or appreciated without the struggle to attain it. But if your daily efforts are never met with praise or recognition, you have to ask yourself if you are in the right place, doing the right thing, with the right people! The University of Pennsylvania Authentic Happiness Study reported in a 2011 survey that the average American was happy 54% of the day, unhappy 20% of the day, and neutral 26% of that time. What percent of the day are you usually happy?
Knowing "yourself" is about living authentically. As a child you may have been encouraged to conform or face the consequences! Most people conform... and lose themselves in the process. Living authentically is being able to express honest thoughts, feelings, and opinions without condemning or judging others, and it's difficult. It's hard to be your own advocate.
Truly finding your own voice is hard because it is hard to let go of expectations from your parents, family, supervisors, professors, etc of your formative years. For good reasons, people are encouraged to color between the lines and fit in but they're not always encouraged to listen to their inner voices. This is a journey full of failures and successes that is never "done" because we are always growing and changing - and so are the people around us.
Questions to Ponder When You're Increasing Your Self-Awareness:
What makes your heart leap or your soul resonate?
When do you feel most happy and relaxed?
Living Authentically Involves Negative Feelings
When - and with whom - do you feel depressed, sad, or drained? Finding your identity involves avoiding those situations.
When do you feel physically ill or unhealthy? Authentic living means figuring that out, and avoiding those situations.
What meetings, visits, or events do you consistently find yourself dragging yourself to? Increasing your self-awareness is about limiting or eliminating those things.
No life can be fulfilling without exposure to toil and stress. While life's goal is happiness and reward, it would never feel earned or appreciated without the struggle to attain it. But if your daily efforts are never met with praise or recognition, you have to ask yourself if you are in the right place, doing the right thing, with the right people! The University of Pennsylvania Authentic Happiness Study reported in a 2011 survey that the average American was happy 54% of the day, unhappy 20% of the day, and neutral 26% of that time. What percent of the day are you usually happy?
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